I haven't slept in nine years.

Charlie's birthdays always have double meaning for me. It's a celebration of her, but also the anniversary of me becoming a mom. The latter I ponder on always without fail even if I have no intention of doing so.

Hers was my most dramatic birth which I suppose makes sense since it was my first time. I won't go into the details of it because I've done that before on this blog, but I'll say that I've always had mixed feelings about it. It wasn't beautiful and magical and happy. It was traumatic. It changed me. Not in the being-a-mom-changes-you kind of way. The birth itself changed me. Instantly aged me, sobered me. I can't figure out if I'm alone in this or not. Everyone else seems so happy and fulfilled after having their bundle of joy. I just felt like, ooooooooohhh shit.

She was born at dinnertime. Visitors came. Visitors left. And I was alone with a tiny human. My human. I have family, I have a husband..but I just always knew that this was my responsibility. I held her and cried most of that night and didn't really stop for the next two years (and another baby) later.

Charlie is a funny girl. A few of her friends made her cards and they all had mentioned about loving her "craziness". She comes across as shy and reserved, but she's got this crazy fun side that both drives me nuts and makes me admire her all at once.
I took her and 10 of her friends to galaxyland for her party. I thought it was going to be a nightmare, but they're old enough that they just run around to the rides on their own and asked nothing much of me.

Charlie on the Space Shot

We had her family party the next day at Red Robin. We played Charlie Trivia during dinner and then for dessert they made her stand on a chair and sang to her.


Sample Charlie Trivia questions:
1. True or False
The only way to get Charlie to sleep was to put her in her car seat and swing her back and forth doing irreversible damage to your shoulder and wrist joints.
TRUE
And I still to this day have wrist pain. And please don't tell me I should have just bought a swing. She could tell the difference. :/

2. What belt is Charlie working on in taekwondo?
Red belt. She recently got her red stripe. Not much longer and she'll be a junior black belt!

3. For the first few years of her life, Charlie was known by a different name when in the presence of certain people. What was it?
Hyatt. Charlie was named after a very important person to my husband. Harriet is her middle name. Apparently, Hyatt is the nickname to the name Harriet. Quincey had told this person and those in her circle that Charlie's name WAS Harriet so whenever we were around Harriet or anyone who knew her she was referred to as Hyatt ---- against my protests. This became very confusing for little Charlie once she got older, and confusing for those people as well because the child never responded to her name. lol

She told me at least a dozen times over the last two days thank you for a great birthday. I was happy to be able to give that to her, and also happy that I've raised a thoughtful child who at nine would be so grateful and kind to me about my effort for her birthday. I'm a pretty lucky Mom :)

Comments

[Pat MacKenzie]

Yes you are. She's a great kid. I love being her Grammies.

[Gail]

The birth of my first baby was also traumatic for me, we should swap stories. :)

[Mary]

She is so beautiful, and a great girl.